The path is long – the journey arduous. Why do you make it so hard on yourself? Your ego and self-pity has no place in the world you wish to create.
Take a step back, breathe, and everything will be okay.
Take a step back, breathe, and everything will be okay.
I don’t know about you, but I noticed something really weird about myself recently. It’s really not the acute kind of weird where you suddenly find yourself a quirky clown of a person who likes their ice creams with tomato sauce. It’s more like a chronic kind of weird. Like a permanent bump on the top of your head, or a really bad case of permanent leg-shaking.
I realized that when faced with an awkward social situation, I had a negative reflex.
negativeˈnɛɡətɪv/adjective
ˈriːflɛks/
noun
And that is exactly what happened to me. When faced with that awkward social situation, “without conscious thought as a response to the stimulus”, I became “not desirable or optimistic”.
“Well,” you say, “what’s so weird about that? People react badly to awkward social situations all the time. This is nothing new.”
To which I will reply, “Wait. I’m not done yet. This is the really weird part.”
After which you would nod in anticipation.
“It’s tied to a location.”
By the blue skies in the dearest world I live in, yes. My negative reflex is tied to a location, and appears only in that location and context. Having had a background in sociology and as an extension a little of social psychology, I could roughly hazard a guess as to the roots of such an awkward weirdness (pun fully intended). Any of you shrinks could probably give me a diagnosis, (and no, I do not prefer the Freudian diagnosis) and you would be spot on.
But you know, I don’t quite care for shrinks, or whatever solutions you have which could really cure me of this weirdness. And it all comes from a very simple reason.
I love it.
Not that I love that sinking feeling. Not that I love all the negative emotions that come from it. Not that I love ANYTHING about the effects of this negative reflex but a really simple thing. It gives me a chance to fight. It gives me a chance to beat it. This quirk of mine has beaten me once, and perhaps the battle was lost, but the war is not yet won and I’ve still got something left in my tank.
The beauty of the war, is in the process. I’ll come out of this stronger. I’ll come out of this a better person. I’ll come out of this with a heart of freedom, shouting for joy at the top of my lungs, knowing that my feet have been guided.
So bring it on. Give it all you’ve got. I could do this all day.
