It’s a pretty common saying around here, really. People do say it all the time.
The world doesn’t owe you anything.
Nor I, the world. Simply put. Which, while in theory is a rather unpleasant stance to be taking, is pretty much true – although it is a rather self-centered way of seeing things.
It caught me today, hit me today, brought a slice of the past I’d never remembered existed. It stung, it hurt, it took the winds out of my sails. It was all of that and one fine thing. Self-centered. In all honesty and practicality, nobody owes me anything. No questions, no pleasantries, nothing at all has to fall on my plate. Anything I get is extra, and I’d truly even expected much less; yet somehow I’d grown the impression that my plate was a silver platter – I know not where such arrogance rooted.
It’s normal, it’s part of the process, it’s life. You of all people should know, having gone through so much. You knew better, you caught yourself, and yet you couldn’t beat it. Weakness is a human trademark, but it won’t be yours. It may beat you once, but fight back. Live life, throw up a spark. Get the fire burning. Let it glow.
A home isn’t made by thoughts alone. Neither is it made by sheer will. You make a home because others, too, want to have that sense of belonging. A family stands not on one person, but each and every one of its parts. A home. A family. Where the heart is and where the heart will be. Why should it not mean the world to me, or anybody else?
Perhaps it is the distance I have put between myself and this world, milieus past, but it seems that the desire for such a home is so pronounced. I could offer varying explanations off my shelf but none would adequately describe such a need. Just… Enough wandering like a lost sheep. Enough uncertainty. Enough insecurity. Enough flowing with the crowd. Enough doubting. Enough hurting. Enough of the life you lived, thinking that it was enough.
I need courage, I need energy, I need the strength to be better – be a light… But even lights flicker sometimes.
This was one of those flickers.
